Do you ever go back and forth on whether you should stay home with your babies or work full-time? Or was it just set in stone that you would do one or the other?
I always wanted the opportunity to stay home but we just couldn't seem to financially make it work so I taught full-time when I had my first, Owen, and loved it. I loved the person who watched him and felt that he was safe and loved on while I was at work. But it was hard dropping him off each day and on the days he was sick, my husband and I would play rock-paper-scissors to see who was going to have to take off. Then my second one came along, Graham. He started out at the same place until my husband was transferred to a different city. When this opportunity happened not only was it a change for us but it was a change that was going to allow me to be able to stay home with the boys!! I couldn't have been more happy! I was able to get on at their preschool two days a week and have the best of both worlds, teaching and being home.
However, I sometimes will find myself not happy. I will think "Ok Traci you have a masters degree and you are staying home and bringing little money in." But then I would think "Ok Traci you have it good! You have the option of staying home, which some moms do not. And not to mention you love couponing and finding good deals you've got this!" It was like, now that I'm staying home I feel guilty for being at home and not working, but when I worked I felt guilty for not being at home!! Is there anyone who feels the same way or is it just me?!
As the school year started this year and my sisters were getting their classrooms ready, I couldn't help but miss being in the classroom. I miss the full-time teaching, getting dressed up everyday, and let's be real, the money! So I freshened up my resume and had it all ready to send out. Except when it came time to do it my heart wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to put my youngest somewhere, or teach full-time. I wasn't ready to wake up everyday by 5:30 am. I love being able to take my son to school and be the first one he sees when I pick him up. I love being available at any time my kiddos need me and not feeling guilty about missing work. I love the preschool that I work for and getting to share my passion of teaching with others. I love the moms ministry that I am able to be the Children's Director for and getting the opportunity to fellowship with other moms during the week. No I am not working full-time but that's ok!!
Sometimes I still think about the what-ifs or the what-should-I do's? But a good friend told me today "Traci we must be content with what we are doing now" It's important to be in the moment! Love what you are doing whether it be working full-time, staying home full-time or a little of both! Know that where you are is where you should be and that God placed you there for a reason.
Will I ever go back full-time? Yes, I'm sure I will. And will it be ok? Yes! But for right now being at home with my little ones is ok too.
